Starting a conversation with someone about your concerns about mental ill health can be a very difficult one!
Having those conversations can help reduce the stigma surrounding mental health and make individuals know that they are not alone, mental health problems are very common and can be treated or managed.
Things to think about before having those conversations:
1, Think about what you are actually going to say before start the conversation, be reflective of your thoughts about the words you are going to use.
2, Make sure the environment is right, so the individual doesn’t feel cornered, threatened by being closed in and you feel comfortable.
3, Avoid closed question, utilise opened ended questions so that you are gaining as much information as the individual is willing to disclose.
4, Use questions like How are you feeling ? I have noticed that you have not been at Tennis lessons for a while is there anything I can support you with?
5, Listen non-judgmentally, this means to really listen to understand not just listen to hear their words. Don’t make judgement about what they say, you are creating a safe space for the individual to talk, don’t push your thoughts of the situation onto them.
6, Don’t use situations that have happened to you to make them feel better, the situation they are in is big in their world and they need support with that, not for the person they are speaking to turn it around to be about them. This may not be your intention but they may feel this way if you do.
7, Avoid the sentence I know how you feel or I understand how you feel ! You will not know how they feel, their feelings are their own, you can only imagine how they are feeling or you can only say ‘I can see that this has really upset you or made you angry’
8, Silence is golden ! Don’t be afraid of the silence when talking to someone about your concerns. 2 things happen when you leave a silence gap- 1, you are giving the individual time to process what they want to say or what they have said and you are also giving them permission to continue, that there is not a time limit, you are here for them and you are ready to listen. 2, Have you ever been talking to someone about a sensitive subject and they say something which surprises you and you response immediately and afterwards you say to yourself ‘What did I say that for, that what was silly’ so leaving silence also gives you the listener time to process what is being said and also how to respond. Really listening to understand someone is a complex skill. SAY LESS LISTEN MORE !
9, Your opinion is your own and while listening to someone talk about mental ill health and causes is not the time to interject your opinion.
10, Maintain eye contact with the individual
11, Express empathy, I can see that, that has really upset you, how can I help you with that?
12, Keep an open body position, sit side by side rather that over a desk or right in front of them
13, Once you feel the individual has finished talking and the silence has not been filled, it is really important to summaries what the individual has said. This will give the individual reassurance you have really listened and understood what has been said.
14, Continuous support, If you have said that you will do something for them, make sure you do it and feed back that you have done that, if it was finding them the number for a particular support group, find it and give it to them and follow up with that, have you been able to contact them? Would you like us to contact them together?
Now I want to talk about risk of harm – If you think that the individual you are talking to is at risk of harming themselves or others call 999 immediately, stay with them, you are their trusted person right now, if they have been able to trust you with their thoughts and feelings you are in a position of trust, keeping that connections is really important for them right now.
Suicide – First Aiders for mental health are taught to ask about suicide.
If you would like to find out more about becoming a First Aider for Mental health visit our website Safety Mode Ltd | Home – Empowering others to save lives for more information about each course and how to book. Distance Learning courses are available.
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